Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Lonely Momma

Each night ends the same way, with the terrible habit of scrolling aimlessly through social media. Most nights I spot a picture of moms having a playdate with their group of mom friends. Or even the announcement of a new baby when you long and mourn the baby you might be wishing for.  The jealously starts brewing in my heart. My jealously turns to anger and maybe even hate. Then after a while it turns in a pity party of sheer loneliness.

Motherhood is time of loneliness for most of us. There are times of feelings of being the only soul who sees the empty toilet paper roll, the mountain of laundry and dishes piled in the sink. and the one trudges on while ignoring her self while the babies and husband are sick. Even if you are the lucky few that have a great group of mom friends, things happen such as sick babies, naptimes, or appointments. Even then it's hard to remember who turn it is to host playdate in all the chaos. It is a really difficult time of life to juggle a social life.

There have been times that I have stuck babies in the car seat and just drive for them to take a nap, or just walked up and down the aisle of Target not eve buying anything in hopes of catching a few words of adult conversation. When I catch the glance of a fellow Momma, I long to ask her 20 questions. Are you lonely too? Do we like the same things? Do we share the want for the same things? Do you judge me for wanting to run away for my kids? Wishing for bedtime? My shoeless toddler? My dirty faced baby? Will you be my friend?

I'm not saying that I don't find joy in my children or my husband. I love them with my everything. Sometimes it would just be nice to confide in another mom who sees the same world that I see. Who understands my messy home, dirty laundry, and sick babies. We will live the next five years of our life with two inch new growth, unshaven legs, Legos in our tubs, a car full of yucky milk cups and chicken nuggets. Jealously is loneliness' ugly step sister. When we fill our hearts with jealously toward fellow mommies we are only causing ourselves bitterness, anger, regret, sleepless nights, grumpy days, impatience with our loved ones, grudges, and the ugliest depression.

So I ask you, are  you lonely Momma? It's ok. This is a season of life that we will never be as loved or wanted or needed again. Our babies need our kisses for their owies, snuggles  when they're sick, and someone to read them their bedtime stories. I know one day I will long for these days once again. I will miss the days of them crying every time I leave the room, tripping over toy cows, and the never ending mound of laundry.

I challenge you to put down your phone when you feel the loneliness creep up in your heart, to throw a dance party, have a pillow fight, or have a movie night with the babes. Fill the space of your pre baby social life with baby belly laughs and story times..

I'm not here saying that friendship isn't important. If you have it, cherish it! If you are like me, maybe you're isolated living far out of town. The only  civilization you see on a weekly basis is the grocery store and church. I'm challenging myself to reach out to other moms. This is so out of my comfort zone. I see other mom groups, but I always feel like they have established their relationships and feel in a way like an outsider. I will strike up conversation with other moms, ask for number for planning of playdates or even coffee dates. I know with such things come rejection, but there might be the birth of a new friendship.

. I don't write this for your pity, but instead of reaching out to other mommas who might be feeling the same loneliness. I hope we all can replace our loneliness with belly laughter and sticky kisses.

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